I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Randomize
