she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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