Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
