dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
