Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
