I got chris browned last night
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
