the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
