i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
