so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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