I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
