Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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