Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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