did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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