Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
