I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
