Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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