part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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