You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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