I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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