I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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