I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
