We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
