No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
