well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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