I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
