Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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