i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
