where does the pee come out of this thing
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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