You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
