i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this just has baby written all over it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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