I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
