He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
