you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
