Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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