Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
