24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
