You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
