he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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