haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
