Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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