My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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