I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
