I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
