sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
