ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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