I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
