I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
