what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
