The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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