I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
