after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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