R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and she was petting her beer can
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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