she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
