youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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